From an evolutionary perspective it was essential to the development of our species that we know whether Angelina Jolie is pregnant and if she and Jennifer Aniston get along. Also – exactly how crazy is Tom Cruise anyway?

Ever since our brains evolved far enough to master language we’ve been able to form the question “Did you hear what so-and-so got up to last night?” and make the accompanying disapproving “Ohhhhhhhh’s”. But why on earth would nature select for and preserve a habit that is apparently pointless? Surely our Stone Age ancestors would have been better off spending the time hunting mammoths, than lollygagging around the prehistoric water cooler?

The Origins of Gossip

Keeping up with what everyone is doing in your tribe is actually a great evolutionary strategy. It opens the door to coordination of efforts and the development of collective goals. That also pretty much makes it a prerequisite for building a civilization.

If you are in a small tribe of about 10 people, you can see personally what everyone is up to without saying a word. It’s also easy to spend a lot of time around each individual while going about your daily foraging or hanging out back at the cave. This is in essence how a lot of other primate species have structured their groups – hanging about grooming each other for long periods and never really being out of sight of anyone in the party. When this happens you build trust. This system works really well for coordinating the defense of your territory or getting help to dig for edible roots, but when we begin to increase the group size into the hundreds the whole thing falls apart.
There just isn’t enough time in the day to groom bugs off of hundreds of individuals from the group and still have time to go out and find food. Time for a new innovation.

Language and how to use it

With the advent of language the inefficient one on one grooming and interaction became unnecessary. One person can talk to many, and they in turn can pass on what you’ve said. Gossiping in turn is an efficient way of passing information among a big group of people. If it’s important or interesting enough, then it gets spread widely and fast. “That is guy dangerous” “Don’t trust her, she cheated on me” are examples of information that would impact our ability to survive.

In a Stone Age setting that is.

Today it’s less critical to surviving, and more important to surviving the day without dying of boredom. The biological urge to gossip is so strong that it’s lead to the creation of the inflated drama industry of tabloids and oddly enough, great works of art. And that’s what joins Shakespeare together with US Weekly, People, Gawker and The National Enquirer. The appeal of a drama that we can experience vicariously. Family tensions! Betrayal! Infidelity! Forbidden love! All subjects of Shakespearian plays, and the magazines that line the checkout isle.

Incidentally, I hope that’s the last time I ever mention Shakespeare and The National Enquirer in the same sentence.

Steps to weave gossip into your writing, tactfully

So now we know why gossip came to exist and that it’s a very powerful force for spreading information even today. Need examples? Digg, Stumbleupon and Facebook are just new words and tools for gossip. Great ways for lots of people to chat about some shiny new thing or scandal. I bet Shakespeare would have loved it.

So what should you do to use our human tendency to gossip in a positive way?

Humanize your subject. Why should people care about what you’ve got to say? Even if it’s as boring a topic as car insurance, inject some emotion into it by showing how it affects peoples lives to be without insurance (or with it).
Don’t be a drama Queen. Unless you’re trying to be a tabloid, it’s probably best to talk about the human elements of your topic without being hysterical. Too many of these -!- is a dead giveaway.
Social media. Facebook and Digg are the modern equivalent of picking fleas out of your friend’s hair. Give some Diggs and attention to others while also promoting yourself. Groom and be groomed.

By knowing that gossiping is a product of our biology and why it came to exist, you are one step closer to using it effectively to spread the word about things you care about.

As for how crazy Tom Cruise might be? Well the biology that influences that might fill a whole series of articles. In the meantime let’s just gossip about what quirk of nature could possibly explain his role in Eyes Wide Shut.

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Original image by tinou bao remixed by Patrick

January 9th, 2009