Why do we feel strong emotional attachments to inanimate objects? Simple, you can blame your biology. But by understanding the way the brain works, can this help us get what we want?
Some of you looking at the Lotus Elise (pictured above) will see something ugly and wildly impractical. But that’s not what I see. This car makes me smile just thinking about it, it brings warm emotions to the surface and strong sense of desire bubbling up in such a primal way that I feel a connection to this thing, like it was alive.

This isn’t unique phenomenon by any means, but for you it might not be this Lotus or a car at all, it can be iPods, expensive shoes, that big glossy TV or a shiny piece of jewelry. Whatever thing it is that stirs your feelings, at some time during your life there’s been some inanimate object out there that you’ve formed a strong emotional bond to. But why on earth does our brain work like this? Forming an emotional connection to other people is understandable, but why a hunk of metal and plastic?

I’ve mentioned in several articles now that we’re still walking around with the same brain that evolved during the Stone Age, so the question becomes even more bizarre: why would a cave man fall in love with a shiny new toy like the Lotus Elise?

How it works

Dopamine. This is the key neurotransmitter that governs your motivation for reward seeking behavior. It’s the rush you get from dopamine release that fuels drug addicts and compulsive gamblers. And to a lesser extent it’s what happens to you every time you see that beautiful piece of art or slickly designed product you want. It’s a just a teaser though, a preview of what’s pleasures are on offer. It’s your brain’s way of saying to you “see how good that felt? Well if you buy this thing imagine how much more dopamine I’ll release and how awesome you’ll feel!” At this point it’s the promise of reward that’s leading to reinforcement of your positive feelings.

Reinforcement. The next phase in reward mechanism is repetition. The more often you encounter a stimulus, and the more time you spend thinking about it, the better you remember it and the more important your brain thinks it is. It the same way you learn anything. In your brain the hippocampus works to solidify your memories and experiences. With repeated feelings of desire and lust towards your dream car or iPod etc. it’s now it’s beginning to form positive memories of your target and filing it away as something that’s worth remembering well.

Now that it’s easy to remember you like this object, the feelings of lust and desire are a good shortcut method that your brain can use to keep you focused on your goal. This is a great evolutionary trick that may have really helped our ancestors survive. It’s a pretty abstract task to spend days sharpening a stick and chipping away at a piece of rock till it’s got a sharp edge – but if you’re motivated to catch a mammoth then these objects are associated with a very desirable outcome – food, clothing and survival.

So how can we use our knowledge of this encoding process to improve our chances of getting that new toy?

Get what you want by syncing reality with your brain

Clearly define what you want. You brain is good at handling abstract concepts, but it’s way better at something that’s solid, obtainable and easy to understand. Wanting a million dollars is nice, but it’s such a large abstract number it’s hard for the frontal cortex of your brain to really nail this down into something that’s easy to relate to. A concept that’s harder to relate to is harder to comprehend, harder to feel any emotion about, and harder for your brain to remember. You don’t really want a big number, you want the freedom and possessions that a million dollars will buy you. Define those instead.

Positive association = motivation. So after you’ve clearly defined what you want in the previous step, you’ll want to make your goal more real. Write it down, get a picture or some other physical object that represents your target and carry with you. Now when you’re working towards your goal and you get distracted or start to procrastinate, pull out your note. This will activate your hippocampus, retrieve memories and feelings linked with what it is you want. The more you do this the more you’ll associate the task you’re working on right now with your final target and the more likely it is that you’ll stop being distracted and just get it done already.

Don’t want it. This may sound kind of paradoxical but often the most positive outcome may be to not get what you think you want. For example that zippy Lotus Elise is gorgeous, fast, fun and really can bring a lot of joy into some people’s lives. However it’s a two seater, expensive, and requires more attention than a Toyota corolla. If you had a family of 6 kids and a bad mortgage then fulfilling this desire would probably lead to greater unhappiness.

So how to reprogram your response? Almost the reverse of what I’ve mentioned above. A little negative association here will go a long way. Start by writing down what it would cost you if you had it – not in money but emotionally. Would you be sacrificing money you could have spent on your children’s education? Would you be asking others to sacrifice on your behalf? Would you really be happy if you and others had to sacrifice things they cared about to make your wish come true? Keep this piece of paper with you and pull it out whenever you spend a lot of time thinking about the things you want to buy but shouldn’t.

Sadly none of these guides will make what you want magically appear, but  it will give you something much better and very healthy for you – focus and motivation. These are two valuable tools that when used with purpose, can really change your life.

Now you have a handle on how your biology works when you fall in love with your car, you can head down the long road owning it or any other shiny toy a reality. Time is the key here, no shortcuts, this is a training exercise and the trick is to keep your brain on track.

Right now my cortex is certain you’ll have a positive association if you click here and subscribe to my RSS or Email feeds. Give it a try, there’s a little bit of a dopamine reward if you do.

Original image redefyne remixed by Patrick

January 15th, 2009